Why Avatar Left A Bad Taste In My Mouth

A few nights ago, I saw James Cameron's new ridiculously hyped-up sci-fi flick "Avatar". I liked the action and the special effect were phenomenal but the plot was bad. Really bad. So was the dialog and the entire cast was either dull or annoying, except for the main antagonist who was this colonel with a giant robot battle suit (this was exactly as cool as it sounds). The best part of the movie involved him and pretty much only him. I am going to describe that part now. If you didn't see it you will have no idea what the fuck I am talking about, rendering this whole review kind of pointless. Too bad.

Anyway the badass, "evil" colonel is in this super plane and the asshole protagonist blows it up. Does this stop the colonel from being awesome? Hell no! He gets into his robot suit (while on fire) and leaps out of the plane as everything around him is exploding and/or bursting into flames. Then he kills a giant panther with a knife. Holy shit, it was so cool!

The rest of the movie was ruined by its pseudo-environmentalist ideals and vague morals for instance, its okay to kill humans because they are stealing things from the indigenous 15 foot tall blue people that inhabit the planet. What the movie doesn't do is stop to consider why the humans are trying to get this stuff in the first place. The thing they are taking is a rock called "Unobtanium". No, I am not making this up. They never really explain what the rock does, but because the Earth is apparently dying and because the humans seem ridiculously hell-bent on getting it no matter what gets in their way, I am going to assume is does at least one of the follow three things.

Possibility #1- Unobtainium cures cancer or some other really bad disease.
Possibility #2- Unobtainium is necessary for deep space travel.
Possibility #3- Unobtainium can allow them to see into the future.

All of these seem fairly reasonable, especially if the earth is dying and they need help. According to the movie, however, since they are oppressing other people they are evil and deserve nothing but death. That's fair enough, I suppose. I mean, the humans did kind of destroy their home. Then again, the business man in charge of the humans there had a pretty good point. He says "Well there are a lot of trees on the planet. Why can't they move somewhere else?"

Actually, this argument makes a lot of sense. Sure, its a huge pain in the ass to switch homes but since the Earth is dying and needs this Unobtanium to survive, shouldn't it be the right thing to do? Indirectly, aren't the Blue People killing the human race by not letting them have it? If its okay for them to kill humans in defense of their own land/moon, shouldn't it be just as acceptable for the humans to steal the poorly named rock to save theirs?

Also, the Blue people probably should have told the humans why they couldn't move. I mean, they had a legit reason (something about being able to access the memories of their ancestors through their giant tree house) but they never even tried to present this to the humans. Maybe it wouldn't have made a difference but it would have been a helluva lot more diplomatic than just refusing any communication with them or shooting arrows at everything that moves. The badass colonel had a badass scar on his head that was given to him on the first day on Pandora (that's the moon they are on). Maybe he wouldn't be so set on destroying them if they hadn't messed up his head.

On a completely different note, I'm really sick of movies like this. I know I should have enjoyed it a lot more than I did because it looked absolutely gorgeous and the action scenes were spectacular. If it wasn't for the massive guilt trip plotline, I'm sure I would have.

Every so often, a movie like this comes out. A lot of people said that its main weakness was its predictability and that is the reason why. Dances With Wolves was like it only with Kevin Costner and the Native Americans. Fergully was basically the same movie only it was a cartoon. Same with Pocahontas though at least the fact that Mel Gibson voiced the good guy in a movie that preaches tolerance for others makes it hilarious years later. The Last Samurai was like this too. Tom Cruise gets captured by the Japanese, decides white people suck by comparison, and decides to fight for them. It’s happened a million times and I'm sick of it.

As a white person, I can honestly say that I get it. We have done horrible things in the past. There was that whole thing with colonizing America and beating the crap out of the Native Americans. That was awful. There was also slavery. That was just as bad. But honestly, at least in America it hasn't been so bad that betraying your culture should be displayed as such a heroic gesture. Near the end of Avatar, the badass colonel asks the douchey main character "How does it feel to betray your own species" and the main guy responds with a snarl, as if this is a ridiculous question and obviously he is doing the righteous thing. It was actually a pretty legitimate question.

How does that feel? I wonder if he bothered considering the family he left back home. He didn't really seem like a socially awkward guy so he obviously had friends. The beginning of the movie made it very clear he had a brother. He probably had a mom and dad too; maybe even other siblings. I seriously think that was a good question. How does it feel to turn your back on everyone you have ever cared about (minus the sexy new blue chick that's been giving you sweet loving every night)? I would be pretty pissed if I knew him, especially since his mission was to theoretically aid in the saving of Earth (and the human race by proxy).

Imagine the situation was flipped around. What if one of the aliens decided that they really liked humans and decided to sell out their people for them. They would be considered treacherous scum. Or how about if instead of Tom Cruise becoming an honorary samurai, Ken Watenabe decided he really liked white people and was sick of the samurai way and became a GI Joe (or their equivalent as I am pretty sure they didn't exist at that time)? He'd be looked down on by pretty much every Asian (or at least Japanese) person with any sense of racial pride. Somehow, though, its common knowledge that if you betray a white person, you are doing the noble thing.

I am really sick of this trend. While we may have a laundry list of terrible things that we've done, its not like other races are guilt free. There was that whole "Rape of Nanking" thing that the Japanese pulled on the Chinese during world war II. According to my 9th grade World History class (which while taught by white people, I am pretty sure is at least somewhat accurate) African tribes were pretty brutal to outsiders, some going as far as eating their enemies after killing them (the superstition was that they would gain their knowledge from doing so. Is it bad that I think this is kind of a badass concept). I could probably name more, but that would be a waste of time. The point is that everyone; White, Black, Asian, Latino or any other lesser known race that I forgot fuck up. They all do really, really, really bad things to other people. Race has nothing to do with this. This shit's happened throughout all of human history.

Its cool to think that white people are the source of everything wrong in the world nowadays. I mean, America is still considered the most powerful nation in the world and despite the fact that we have a very black looking leader, the image of America is that we are run by power hungry white bureaucrats (eight years of Dick Cheney did not help this painting). I wonder if this will be the case in the future. In fifty years, when the population is a Latino majority will it still be okay to label whites as the problem race? Will America even still be number one in the world? Perhaps China will be the ones in charge.

You know, what's weird about all of this is that the treatment of white people isn't really that bad despite all my bitching. Yeah, I find it annoying but in comparison to the Native Americans, it isn't even remotely offensive. I think its pretty obvious that the Blue People were supposed to represent the Native Americans (if you haven't figured out why yet, you never will). In real life, the Europeans succeeded where the Humans in Avatar failed. They took over America and made it what it is today for better or worse. The Blue People were never beaten. Nature took their side (don't ask) and beat the ever-loving crap out of humanity. If the Native Americans had nature on their side they would have won, apparently. Guess they just weren't cool enough... Have fun at your casinos! Were the Native Americans really that obsessed with nature? I feel like given the opportunity, they probably would have used more guns instead of their traditional bows and arrows or whatever. I have these green army men-like Native American toys. Like half of them have guns. Colonial era guns are superior firearms to bows and arrows when you're not worried about reload time or stealth.
Technology:1 Nature:0

With of this aside, I still don't feel any guilt over slavery and what happened to the Native Americans. Most of my relatives were too busy being discriminated against for their religious beliefs back in Europe to worry about that sort of thing. Also, it would be ridiculously counter productive. It would be like if I as a person with Jewish blood still held a grudge against the Germans over the Holocaust; completely fucking stupid. So here’s the deal, James Cameron or whoever in Hollywood feels like making a movie like this. Stop. It’s the opposite of progressive. All you are doing is reminding people of shit that happened hundreds of years ago. We are past it. Most people know that what happened was (and still is) wrong and the ones who don’t aren’t going to be convinced otherwise by an action movie with giant robots and a dragon with racing stripes.

Things That I Have Gotten For The Holidays: 2009 Edition

-Shakira: She-Wolf

Honestly, Shakira is loads better in Spanish. I know she's a sex symbol but hearing her sing about all the guys she likes to bang really over-shadows just how pretty her voice is and how catchy the beats are and not in a good way. Even so, Loba and Gypsy are really good songs.

-Norah Jones: The Fall

I fucking love Nora Jones. I know that's weird for a guy to say but her voice is gorgeous and the songs themselves are incredibly relaxing.

-Lady Gaga: The Fame

Lady Gaga is batshit insane and I love her. Actually, this cd is a lot better than I thought it would be. She never really takes herself seriously and the beats are consistently catchy. Hell, her voice isn't even that bad. Good for you, crazy lady!

-The Killers: Live From Royal Albert Hall

I saw the Killers live last September and they were awesome. So is this cd though I have not actually watched the dvd yet.

-Resident Evil: The Darkside Chronicles

Man does this game kickass. Its a huge upgrade from its precursor The Umbrella Chronicles, which while fun still kind of sucked donkey balls. It also probably has the best graphics you're ever gonna see on the wii which is pretty kick-ass.

-Cowboy Bebop: Collectors Edition

This is a really good show. Can't really say much more about it. If you haven't seen it, you're missing out.

-A Warm, Green Sweater

Very warm, surprisingly comfortable.

-Heroes of Might and Magic 3: Complete

Alright, so this is this old computer game from like 2002 that I used to play all the time with my Dad. From what I have gathered, the premise is that you lead an army of humans and monsters in epic wars with each other. Sometimes you use magic (unless you are a Barbarian because Barbarians suck at magic. This is okay though because they are really good at Might). Anyway, the games a total blast and I had lost my copy of it so this was actually really exciting.

-Socks and Underwear

Much better than it sounds. Doing laundry sucks.

-2 Free Movie tickets

Apparently, the second one is for a date. I luled.

-Watchmen (DVD)

Its apparently the special edition. I hope to God this means there's a feature revealing the science behind the physics engine for Doctor Manhattan's penis.

-Empire Earth: Good Edition

I'm like 95 percent sure that my dad just kind of found this lying on the floor in his store and decided to wrap it. Kind of confusing game. Age of Empires is much better.

December First

Having a real major and the actual workload that comes with it makes a semester go by a helluva lot faster. It also leaves no time to update this thing.