I Make Assumptions About You Based On The Music You Like

Way back when during my early years of high school, I was became friendly with a group of kids I met at acting camp. When I say group, I mean a set of girls, one of whom I really, really wanted to sleep with. This never happened (though she did date one of my friends for two months). These two girls did not like anything that was popular, with the exception of Harry Potter and Twilight (which was cool because these were books and obviously no one likes to read anymore therefore making it edgy.) Desperately wanting to fit in (or at the very least touch this girl's breasts) I adapted my own tastes to match theirs. I threw away my Eminem cds for Incubus.

As I got older, I realized that a lot of people have this idea that it somehow makes you cooler to like obscure shit. Now Incubus isn't exactly obscure and these girls were morons but there was a key lesson I got out of this; people judge you based on the music you like.

Example:

Linkin Park

Description: Nu Metal that mixes angry screaming with angsty rapping.
What it says about you: Likes anime, video games and may wish life was a lot more difficult than it actually is.
Sample Lyric:


The sacrifice is never knowing
Why I never walked away
Why I played myself this way
Now I see your testing me pushes me away



Jeff Buckley
Description: Folksy-rocksy dude with good voice makes okay sales, dies tragically, becomes legend.
What it says: Desperately needs people to think they are deep.
Lyric Examples:

My fading voice sings of love,
But she cries to the clicking of time.
Oh, time. Wait in the fire...


Lady GaGa
Description: Struggling but talented jazz musician creates alter-ego, becomes popular via ridiculous costumes, absurdly catchy hooks, and rumors of having both a vagina AND a penis.
What it says about you: Trendy and probably a little bi-curious.
Lyric example:

Rah-rah-ah-ah-ah!
Roma-Roma-ma-ah!
Ga-ga-ooh-la-la!
Want your bad romance



Nickelback
Description: That one rock band that thinks using sex euphemisms you wouldn't have used as a 5th grader makes them clever and gritty.
What it says about you: Virgin.
Sample Lyric:

'Cause we all just wanna be big rockstars
And live in hilltop houses driving fifteen cars
The girls come easy and the drugs come cheap
We'll all stay skinny 'cause we just won't eat

Oasis
Description: Drug addled British Brothers blatantly rip-off the Beatles, win over millions.
What it says About You: Lacks ambition and wants to be reassured that this is okay. Total pussy.
Lyric Example:

In their minds their minds
But I'll have my way
In my own time
I'll have my say
My star will shine
Cos you see me I got my Magic Pie.


The Killers
Description: Four guys from Vegas attempt to revive Duran-Duran, combining Synthesizers with ambiguously homosexual lyrics.
What it says: May or may not like it in the butt.
Lyric Example:

On the mats with the boys, you think you're alone
With the pain that you drain from love
In a car with a girl, promise me she's not your world
Cause Andy, you're a star


Assbangers Anonymous
Description: Handsome vocalists attempt to add humor to killer beats. Hilarity ensues like half the time.
What it says: Friends with the guys that are making this. Questionable taste/sense of humor.
Lyric example:

You best watch your cabinets cause I'm fucking your China
And keep your pants zipped or I'll fuck your vagina
I hope your ass aint for sale cause I fuck like a rhino
And watch your ass if you're pale cause I'll fuck an albino

Does This Really Need A Title?

Snow day allowed me to finish up most of the work I had. Thank God. I'm not entirely sure what I would've done without that.

Academic updates are really boring.

The Life And Death Of American Journalism: Not As Exciting As It Sounds (which isn't saying much)

Saw some reporters who wrote a book called The Life And Death Of American Journalism. As the name suggests, said book is about how completely screwed American journalism is. Their solution? Subsidize! Just have the government pay for everything. Thirty billion dollars a year is all we need. And it'll save journalism. Yeah! That sounds like it'd be giving the government too much power? Well, maybe they should. Capitalism is what got us into this mess!

Ug... They were nice enough. I even interviewed one of them after but I really can't stand going to stuff like this. I probably should care more about it since technically speaking this is the profession that I'm going into but I really just don't have any interest in politics or economics. Never have, never will. I've got a nice little 750 word essay to write on the thing too, just to rub salt in the wound. Its kind of sad because I've got like six pages of notes but I don't actually remember half of them ever being said. I am starting to suspect that being a reporter kind of sucks.

In related news, 100 Bullets is every bit as enjoyable as Preacher.

I Am A Busy Man

Two weeks into the semester and I am already overworked. This was expected but I'm still not happy with it. Here's the run down of what I'm taking.

Linguistics 101: Language has never been my thing. This is no exception. The lab is just as bad though at least the TA for that is entertaining. The actual professor is unspeakably tedious. Its one of those lectures where you just jot down everything that appears on the board, so at least I get lots of reading done.

Journalism 300: Junior writing course. There are only like 13 other people in it which is good but the workload dwarfs pretty much everything and we actually have to go out and interview people. It'll be interesting but it makes it really difficult to be lazy.

Criticism of Media: Not as hippy-dippy as it sounds; the name for the class probably should have been "Journalism Is Changing And You Guys Are Fucked Unless You Adapt And Learn How To Use The Internet". The professor is very charismatic and apparently was a news anchor in Chicago for a while. Also has a heavy workload, though there aren't any size specifications on essays which is pretty nice.

Greek Mythology: This is a Gen-Ed. The teacher looks a little bit like a walrus and sounds like Rex the Dinosaur from Toy Story. He's pretty compelling though and probably legally insane. Good class.

Biology of Social Issues: Better than it sounds. Apparently, DDT wiped out malaria in Europe and America as well as killing boatloads of birds of prey. That's pretty much been the whole class so far, but I did not know that illegal pesticides had any benefits outside of making it easier to grow crops. Neat!

Aside from that its business as usual. Almost done with Snow Falling On Cedars. Will start 100 Bullets after that which looks promising.

Started working out again. Remembered why I stopped doing it, but I've kind of got to. Baseball season's gonna start soon and I really don't want to have to get in shape on the fly again.

On that note...

What I Did On My Winter Vacation

I went to Mexico. There I:

-Got a leather jacket

-Went to a mummy museum (which was spooooooky)

-Ate a whole lot of steak

I will write more on this later when I have pictures and the attention span.


Other than that I:

-Learned my dad is a total badass. No seriously. He slipped on some ice behind his store very late at night. Upon landing he found that his ankle had swollen to ridiculous proportions and he could not put any weight on it. His cell phone had also been broken from the fall. It was pitch black and freezing cold. He could have been in legitimate danger but rather than just whimper in pain, or curl up in a ball and hope for someone to stumble upon him, he put his phone back together and called both 911 and my mother. Turned out he both dislocated and broke his ankle. Which leads me to my next bullet.

-Learned how to fry an egg (I am not kidding). I'd never actually done this before. Immediately after getting back from Mexico, my Mom left and I had to take care of my Dad till she came back. He is a fan of Salami and Eggs and grew tired of the steak or hamburgers I was making. I also baked a lot of Pillsbury chocolate chip cookies.


-Was involved in a horrifically stupid love triangle involving a girl I used to sort-of-but-not-really date and a probable alcoholic who has since gotten the nickname "Human Waterfall".

Alright this one might actually require some further explanation, so for those of you into drama and/or gossip, buckle your seat belts cause this shit is about to get... Well... Actually, its about to get kind of awkward.

I'm one of those people that doesn't really notice a problem until it can't be ignored. You know, a stereotypical American. My friend Waffle (I'm using a nickname because I think some of the few people that read this blog may actually know him) has a serious drinking problem. I did not realize this until he got drunk at a party and tried to pick fight with me over my lack of interest in talking about a girl that he is dating that I used to kind-of-be-in-a-relationship-only-not-really with (to simplify things greatly. Needless to say, I hadn't been on speaking terms with her for months at the time that this happened. Trust me, you don't want to hear about this).

Anyway, at some point he passed out with his shoes on so of course anyone who could get their hands on a writing utensil drew on him. He woke up a few hours later and then, 98 percent of his body covered in ink, proceeded to climb halfway up the stairs, pull out his junk, and start leaking everywhere. Everywhere. It was kind of like that sprinkler your Mom would set up on the front lawn during the summer (possibly because you were too poor to have a pool) only instead of running through it, you were running away. This lasted for five minutes. People were counting. I'm not kidding. It was a spectacle. It was the longest piss in the history of modern man.

He went on to punch a friend of mine in the face a grand total of three times while trying to get to me. Said friend wouldn't let me (or anyone else there) retaliate because (and I quote) "He's too drunk to know any better." Waffle then attempted to steal someone's car to drive home. When this plan failed miserably due to an inability to turn a doorknob, he started crying, occasionally stopping to shoot death glares in my general direction. I left the room at this point because, let's face it, what the fuck are you supposed to do in a situation like that?

Eventually, the same friend that got hit in the face three times convinced me to talked to him. For some reason, probably guilt over him getting hit in the face, I complied. This was a really bad idea, though some really good lines came out of it. Some examples:

Waffle on Me and women:

"Eddie, when I look at you I see a man who has been forsaken by women!"

Waffle responding to my indifference towards him sleeping with Girl-I-Sort-Of-Dated-But-Not-Really:

"All you care about it sex, Eddie! You don't know what real love is. But I do!"

Waffle on my relationship with Girl-I-Sort-Of-Dated-But-Not-Really:

"She was really pissed when she realized you defriended her. Why can't you just admit that you still love her?!"

Waffle after I, realizing there was no other way out of the predicament, swallowed my pride, lied through my teeth, and said I was still in love with her (and was mad at him for "stealing her from me") and promised to "fucking kill him" if he ever did anything to hurt her:

*ridiculously-uncomfortable-thirty-second-pause*

"That's all I needed to hear."

And then he walked into the garage and passed out. I have not seen him since, though I did get the single most forced apology ever from him two days later, essentially amounting to "I was drunk and don't remember what happened, therefore it didn't."



Moving on, I also:



-Turned 20

-Replayed the first disk of Final Fantasy VII

-Rediscovered the greatness of Oregon Trail

-Realized that it wasn't my Wii that was broken but the power cord for it

-Also realized how much of a pain in the ass it is to replace these

-Saw Avatar, Sherlock Holmes, Idiocracy, The Book of Eli, Twilight and New Moon. More to come on the last two.

-Started a book called Snow Falling On Cedars, which so far has a very unique plot and is extremely well-written but in one of those ways where it takes a long freaking time to read.

Why Avatar Left A Bad Taste In My Mouth

A few nights ago, I saw James Cameron's new ridiculously hyped-up sci-fi flick "Avatar". I liked the action and the special effect were phenomenal but the plot was bad. Really bad. So was the dialog and the entire cast was either dull or annoying, except for the main antagonist who was this colonel with a giant robot battle suit (this was exactly as cool as it sounds). The best part of the movie involved him and pretty much only him. I am going to describe that part now. If you didn't see it you will have no idea what the fuck I am talking about, rendering this whole review kind of pointless. Too bad.

Anyway the badass, "evil" colonel is in this super plane and the asshole protagonist blows it up. Does this stop the colonel from being awesome? Hell no! He gets into his robot suit (while on fire) and leaps out of the plane as everything around him is exploding and/or bursting into flames. Then he kills a giant panther with a knife. Holy shit, it was so cool!

The rest of the movie was ruined by its pseudo-environmentalist ideals and vague morals for instance, its okay to kill humans because they are stealing things from the indigenous 15 foot tall blue people that inhabit the planet. What the movie doesn't do is stop to consider why the humans are trying to get this stuff in the first place. The thing they are taking is a rock called "Unobtanium". No, I am not making this up. They never really explain what the rock does, but because the Earth is apparently dying and because the humans seem ridiculously hell-bent on getting it no matter what gets in their way, I am going to assume is does at least one of the follow three things.

Possibility #1- Unobtainium cures cancer or some other really bad disease.
Possibility #2- Unobtainium is necessary for deep space travel.
Possibility #3- Unobtainium can allow them to see into the future.

All of these seem fairly reasonable, especially if the earth is dying and they need help. According to the movie, however, since they are oppressing other people they are evil and deserve nothing but death. That's fair enough, I suppose. I mean, the humans did kind of destroy their home. Then again, the business man in charge of the humans there had a pretty good point. He says "Well there are a lot of trees on the planet. Why can't they move somewhere else?"

Actually, this argument makes a lot of sense. Sure, its a huge pain in the ass to switch homes but since the Earth is dying and needs this Unobtanium to survive, shouldn't it be the right thing to do? Indirectly, aren't the Blue People killing the human race by not letting them have it? If its okay for them to kill humans in defense of their own land/moon, shouldn't it be just as acceptable for the humans to steal the poorly named rock to save theirs?

Also, the Blue people probably should have told the humans why they couldn't move. I mean, they had a legit reason (something about being able to access the memories of their ancestors through their giant tree house) but they never even tried to present this to the humans. Maybe it wouldn't have made a difference but it would have been a helluva lot more diplomatic than just refusing any communication with them or shooting arrows at everything that moves. The badass colonel had a badass scar on his head that was given to him on the first day on Pandora (that's the moon they are on). Maybe he wouldn't be so set on destroying them if they hadn't messed up his head.

On a completely different note, I'm really sick of movies like this. I know I should have enjoyed it a lot more than I did because it looked absolutely gorgeous and the action scenes were spectacular. If it wasn't for the massive guilt trip plotline, I'm sure I would have.

Every so often, a movie like this comes out. A lot of people said that its main weakness was its predictability and that is the reason why. Dances With Wolves was like it only with Kevin Costner and the Native Americans. Fergully was basically the same movie only it was a cartoon. Same with Pocahontas though at least the fact that Mel Gibson voiced the good guy in a movie that preaches tolerance for others makes it hilarious years later. The Last Samurai was like this too. Tom Cruise gets captured by the Japanese, decides white people suck by comparison, and decides to fight for them. It’s happened a million times and I'm sick of it.

As a white person, I can honestly say that I get it. We have done horrible things in the past. There was that whole thing with colonizing America and beating the crap out of the Native Americans. That was awful. There was also slavery. That was just as bad. But honestly, at least in America it hasn't been so bad that betraying your culture should be displayed as such a heroic gesture. Near the end of Avatar, the badass colonel asks the douchey main character "How does it feel to betray your own species" and the main guy responds with a snarl, as if this is a ridiculous question and obviously he is doing the righteous thing. It was actually a pretty legitimate question.

How does that feel? I wonder if he bothered considering the family he left back home. He didn't really seem like a socially awkward guy so he obviously had friends. The beginning of the movie made it very clear he had a brother. He probably had a mom and dad too; maybe even other siblings. I seriously think that was a good question. How does it feel to turn your back on everyone you have ever cared about (minus the sexy new blue chick that's been giving you sweet loving every night)? I would be pretty pissed if I knew him, especially since his mission was to theoretically aid in the saving of Earth (and the human race by proxy).

Imagine the situation was flipped around. What if one of the aliens decided that they really liked humans and decided to sell out their people for them. They would be considered treacherous scum. Or how about if instead of Tom Cruise becoming an honorary samurai, Ken Watenabe decided he really liked white people and was sick of the samurai way and became a GI Joe (or their equivalent as I am pretty sure they didn't exist at that time)? He'd be looked down on by pretty much every Asian (or at least Japanese) person with any sense of racial pride. Somehow, though, its common knowledge that if you betray a white person, you are doing the noble thing.

I am really sick of this trend. While we may have a laundry list of terrible things that we've done, its not like other races are guilt free. There was that whole "Rape of Nanking" thing that the Japanese pulled on the Chinese during world war II. According to my 9th grade World History class (which while taught by white people, I am pretty sure is at least somewhat accurate) African tribes were pretty brutal to outsiders, some going as far as eating their enemies after killing them (the superstition was that they would gain their knowledge from doing so. Is it bad that I think this is kind of a badass concept). I could probably name more, but that would be a waste of time. The point is that everyone; White, Black, Asian, Latino or any other lesser known race that I forgot fuck up. They all do really, really, really bad things to other people. Race has nothing to do with this. This shit's happened throughout all of human history.

Its cool to think that white people are the source of everything wrong in the world nowadays. I mean, America is still considered the most powerful nation in the world and despite the fact that we have a very black looking leader, the image of America is that we are run by power hungry white bureaucrats (eight years of Dick Cheney did not help this painting). I wonder if this will be the case in the future. In fifty years, when the population is a Latino majority will it still be okay to label whites as the problem race? Will America even still be number one in the world? Perhaps China will be the ones in charge.

You know, what's weird about all of this is that the treatment of white people isn't really that bad despite all my bitching. Yeah, I find it annoying but in comparison to the Native Americans, it isn't even remotely offensive. I think its pretty obvious that the Blue People were supposed to represent the Native Americans (if you haven't figured out why yet, you never will). In real life, the Europeans succeeded where the Humans in Avatar failed. They took over America and made it what it is today for better or worse. The Blue People were never beaten. Nature took their side (don't ask) and beat the ever-loving crap out of humanity. If the Native Americans had nature on their side they would have won, apparently. Guess they just weren't cool enough... Have fun at your casinos! Were the Native Americans really that obsessed with nature? I feel like given the opportunity, they probably would have used more guns instead of their traditional bows and arrows or whatever. I have these green army men-like Native American toys. Like half of them have guns. Colonial era guns are superior firearms to bows and arrows when you're not worried about reload time or stealth.
Technology:1 Nature:0

With of this aside, I still don't feel any guilt over slavery and what happened to the Native Americans. Most of my relatives were too busy being discriminated against for their religious beliefs back in Europe to worry about that sort of thing. Also, it would be ridiculously counter productive. It would be like if I as a person with Jewish blood still held a grudge against the Germans over the Holocaust; completely fucking stupid. So here’s the deal, James Cameron or whoever in Hollywood feels like making a movie like this. Stop. It’s the opposite of progressive. All you are doing is reminding people of shit that happened hundreds of years ago. We are past it. Most people know that what happened was (and still is) wrong and the ones who don’t aren’t going to be convinced otherwise by an action movie with giant robots and a dragon with racing stripes.

Things That I Have Gotten For The Holidays: 2009 Edition

-Shakira: She-Wolf

Honestly, Shakira is loads better in Spanish. I know she's a sex symbol but hearing her sing about all the guys she likes to bang really over-shadows just how pretty her voice is and how catchy the beats are and not in a good way. Even so, Loba and Gypsy are really good songs.

-Norah Jones: The Fall

I fucking love Nora Jones. I know that's weird for a guy to say but her voice is gorgeous and the songs themselves are incredibly relaxing.

-Lady Gaga: The Fame

Lady Gaga is batshit insane and I love her. Actually, this cd is a lot better than I thought it would be. She never really takes herself seriously and the beats are consistently catchy. Hell, her voice isn't even that bad. Good for you, crazy lady!

-The Killers: Live From Royal Albert Hall

I saw the Killers live last September and they were awesome. So is this cd though I have not actually watched the dvd yet.

-Resident Evil: The Darkside Chronicles

Man does this game kickass. Its a huge upgrade from its precursor The Umbrella Chronicles, which while fun still kind of sucked donkey balls. It also probably has the best graphics you're ever gonna see on the wii which is pretty kick-ass.

-Cowboy Bebop: Collectors Edition

This is a really good show. Can't really say much more about it. If you haven't seen it, you're missing out.

-A Warm, Green Sweater

Very warm, surprisingly comfortable.

-Heroes of Might and Magic 3: Complete

Alright, so this is this old computer game from like 2002 that I used to play all the time with my Dad. From what I have gathered, the premise is that you lead an army of humans and monsters in epic wars with each other. Sometimes you use magic (unless you are a Barbarian because Barbarians suck at magic. This is okay though because they are really good at Might). Anyway, the games a total blast and I had lost my copy of it so this was actually really exciting.

-Socks and Underwear

Much better than it sounds. Doing laundry sucks.

-2 Free Movie tickets

Apparently, the second one is for a date. I luled.

-Watchmen (DVD)

Its apparently the special edition. I hope to God this means there's a feature revealing the science behind the physics engine for Doctor Manhattan's penis.

-Empire Earth: Good Edition

I'm like 95 percent sure that my dad just kind of found this lying on the floor in his store and decided to wrap it. Kind of confusing game. Age of Empires is much better.