I Make Assumptions About You Based On The Music You Like

Way back when during my early years of high school, I was became friendly with a group of kids I met at acting camp. When I say group, I mean a set of girls, one of whom I really, really wanted to sleep with. This never happened (though she did date one of my friends for two months). These two girls did not like anything that was popular, with the exception of Harry Potter and Twilight (which was cool because these were books and obviously no one likes to read anymore therefore making it edgy.) Desperately wanting to fit in (or at the very least touch this girl's breasts) I adapted my own tastes to match theirs. I threw away my Eminem cds for Incubus.

As I got older, I realized that a lot of people have this idea that it somehow makes you cooler to like obscure shit. Now Incubus isn't exactly obscure and these girls were morons but there was a key lesson I got out of this; people judge you based on the music you like.

Example:

Linkin Park

Description: Nu Metal that mixes angry screaming with angsty rapping.
What it says about you: Likes anime, video games and may wish life was a lot more difficult than it actually is.
Sample Lyric:


The sacrifice is never knowing
Why I never walked away
Why I played myself this way
Now I see your testing me pushes me away



Jeff Buckley
Description: Folksy-rocksy dude with good voice makes okay sales, dies tragically, becomes legend.
What it says: Desperately needs people to think they are deep.
Lyric Examples:

My fading voice sings of love,
But she cries to the clicking of time.
Oh, time. Wait in the fire...


Lady GaGa
Description: Struggling but talented jazz musician creates alter-ego, becomes popular via ridiculous costumes, absurdly catchy hooks, and rumors of having both a vagina AND a penis.
What it says about you: Trendy and probably a little bi-curious.
Lyric example:

Rah-rah-ah-ah-ah!
Roma-Roma-ma-ah!
Ga-ga-ooh-la-la!
Want your bad romance



Nickelback
Description: That one rock band that thinks using sex euphemisms you wouldn't have used as a 5th grader makes them clever and gritty.
What it says about you: Virgin.
Sample Lyric:

'Cause we all just wanna be big rockstars
And live in hilltop houses driving fifteen cars
The girls come easy and the drugs come cheap
We'll all stay skinny 'cause we just won't eat

Oasis
Description: Drug addled British Brothers blatantly rip-off the Beatles, win over millions.
What it says About You: Lacks ambition and wants to be reassured that this is okay. Total pussy.
Lyric Example:

In their minds their minds
But I'll have my way
In my own time
I'll have my say
My star will shine
Cos you see me I got my Magic Pie.


The Killers
Description: Four guys from Vegas attempt to revive Duran-Duran, combining Synthesizers with ambiguously homosexual lyrics.
What it says: May or may not like it in the butt.
Lyric Example:

On the mats with the boys, you think you're alone
With the pain that you drain from love
In a car with a girl, promise me she's not your world
Cause Andy, you're a star


Assbangers Anonymous
Description: Handsome vocalists attempt to add humor to killer beats. Hilarity ensues like half the time.
What it says: Friends with the guys that are making this. Questionable taste/sense of humor.
Lyric example:

You best watch your cabinets cause I'm fucking your China
And keep your pants zipped or I'll fuck your vagina
I hope your ass aint for sale cause I fuck like a rhino
And watch your ass if you're pale cause I'll fuck an albino